Things Left Unsaid
by DarlingDearestDeadForever
Summary: Because sometimes, it's better to leave things hanging. What happens if in the end, you realize it wasn't?


This is a Jiraiya/Tsunade piece.

Hope you like it!

* * *

_It's just a matter of time a few days ago  
I saw you, you were fine  
Remembering what you said  
About the book you read  
The one I got you  
The Beginning of the End_

_-Disciple_

_Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid._

This is the sentence that our lives have been ruled upon.

I know and she knows and we both know that the other knows.

There are no secrets between us.

As I look at her now, just as I have announced my intent to go forward with this mission, I wonder if we'll ever break this cycle. I wonder if she'll break the rules and just tell me…just damnit, say it. Because God knows I have but then again God knows that words are never enough.

But I acted. I chased her for years. I constantly reminded her of my heart, that she was it. But of course, she never was easy. But that's why I loved her and still love her so much, because she knows what she is worth and because of that, she has made me a better man.

* * *

_Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid._

That is the sentence that brought us to this mess, this standstill.

But I have always known, and he has always known. We both knew it.

We just couldn't hide anything from each other, hard as we tried, the other would always find out.

It was just too much, this connection but at the same time, it wasn't enough either.

He's looking at me now, waiting for my reaction to his announcement. There is this part of me, forever the fighter that intends to wait it out –until forever, if I have to- until he breaks because that side of me never will. On the other hand, I'm tired. If I just take the risk, if I just summon enough courage –because this isn't giving up, this is about who wants it more and what will be do for it- I should just say it.

I should just say it because God knows he has been waiting and so have I.

For 30 years.

* * *

I cast my eyes to the floor briefly, knowing she will see, my signal for this round of our game to end.

_I cannot wait anymore. But I still am._

Does that make sense? I suppose not, but all my actions regarding her have never made sense to me.

I see a flicker of emotion in her eyes. It passes by very quickly and I know what that emotion was anyway, it is always the case when we always leave it hanging, forever untold.

But I don't know. I'm not sure.

But I do know that I never will be.

Because that's what defines us, the loud silence.

* * *

He is done waiting, this time.

_Next time…next time I'll do it, for sure._

But the next time never comes.

I made him like this. I knew all along that it wasn't just infatuation, I knew he loved me. And I knew I loved him, but I never said a word.

I always thought that he would hear everything in the deafening silence that as always around us.

I was afraid and he saw that. He saw my hesitance and backed off. The only thing was, I pushed him away even afterwards. Then he was gone, in a sense that he never pursued anything more than just friendship. Not once.

But here I was confusing him, acting like I loved him which I did, which I still do, when I drew the line, when he respected that line for me and I was the one crossing it.

And I still never said a word.

Now, 30 years later, it is far from our reach. It was neglected for too long, until it became a scar, just as a memory of what was…what could have been.

* * *

"I need your approval." I murmur.

She snorts, "Oh, do you?" she asks sarcastically.

An attempt to lighten the mood. I can play along and she'll take it as I'm fine, but she'll know it's just pretend. I can ignore it and continue like I never noticed but that will hurt her as well.

_How many times have I hurt her? Far too many._

But this is her fault, just as much as mine.

So who started it?

"Well, no, but I'm just being respectful." I play along.

There it is again, that flicker of disappointment in her eyes only this time mixed with a sense of relief. She is probably disappointed that I did not push, that I did not fight, that I just gave up. But at the same time, she is relieved that I made things easier.

Does she ever notice, that I make it easier for her but a lifetime harder for myself?

But it's so to protect her, and I have always done that right.

* * *

I'm standing over his grave, a bottle of sake in my hand. I take a swig to numb myself…again.

"You old fool, if you just came back, I was ready to finally say that I lo-."

I stop short.

I drink the rest of the bottle in one go, I am gripping the bottle so tightly I'm wondering why it's still not yet breaking.

"You should have came back, you old bastard." I curse.

"You should have come back to hear what I had to say." I continued.

"You should have finally heard those three damn words we've both wanted to hear all our lives, but now, neither of us ever will."

Memories of us flood my mind and in shock, I drop the bottle. The loud shatter echoes.

"I never will say it. I never will, call me a stubborn old woman but I never will."

_Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid._

_

* * *

_

I really love this pairing because the amount of history they have together is so...painful to know about when you know that the end of the relationship they had (when I say relationship, I'm not talking about a romance between them, I mean their RELATION to each other) wasn't a happy one. It was inevitable, for me anyways since they chose this but there always be the 'what ifs' that they probably were just too stubborn or afraid to take a chance on.

-DarlingDearestDeadForever


End file.
